[New moon. Fallen star. Broken dawn. Somewhere far.]
My heart is heavy.
It sags with regret. And seeps with “I should haves”… It breaks every time I drop it from the sky.
It was too high. Too far to fall from. It didn’t belong way up there, beyond my reach and fast past my dreams. Face to face with fantasy.
The air was too thin. The breeze was too cold. I was gasping. Heaving. Fear kidnapped my voice. My lungs filled with Insecurity. I couldn’t breathe…
I should’ve known better.
I should’ve known better than to try that love. That love was too wide. It was too much to wrap my words around. Too big to hold on to. It slipped from my hands and crashed at my feet.
Hidden, and hiding. Smashing into shaky ground. Blasting into unforgiving footprints. Leaving a hole. A crater. A canyon of empty echoes, a cavern of pretty pleas…
It’s so deep. So deafening. It speaks from its senses and screams for its sanity. It’s so f*cking loud, this Love.
I dropped it… But it’s not lost. I hear it down there. Roaring. With fangs of simple sorry’s. And claws of honest madness. It’s ready to run, and chase, and hunt. And fight.
It won’t give up. Though battered, and broken. It knows its size. Feels its strength. It wants to live. Begs to survive… To withstand.
If I reach, it will scar me. If I stare, it will scare me. If I wait then we’ll wonder forever…. I have to set it free.
I need to let it go…
I’m not ready to hold it. I’m too small to wipe its tears. Too weak to feel its softness. It cuts me with gentle fingers.
I have to watch it leave. Pace by pace. Step by starvation. I have to look forward while it turns it’s back on me.
And say goodbye…
Goodbye my Big Love. I hope you remember my eyes. And forget my angry sentences. And keep this hope, this fairytale, this make-believe-belief alive in your mind, and awake in your soul.
Maybe we’ll meet again. Maybe we won’t. Either way…